i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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