I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
