I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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