you guys were way drunker than both of me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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