Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize