Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
