This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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