From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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