So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
