we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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