Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
