Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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