she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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