hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
