Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
