When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What a dumb baby whore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
