i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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