Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
