I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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