I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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