ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
