Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
