STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
