it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
