How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
