Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
