remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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