Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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