He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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