U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You can't special order awesome
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
