Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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