Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
