who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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