So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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