My sheets look like a crime scene.
I cannot find my penis.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
