Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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