A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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