Already got asked if we're dating
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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