Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
