my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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