All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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