I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
