hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
