guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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