remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
