I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
