I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
