my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
