So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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