I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There r osticjed everywhere
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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