She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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