she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize