are you still at the devil's house?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
