the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
