I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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