this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
