Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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