ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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