im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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